It was another unilag chill night, Amy and I had just dropped white off at his crib (not real names obviously) and we were just having conversations about love life and everything in between and I was telling her about how a lot of shit feels off to me and my depression issues and shit, funny how I can talk to almost anyone about my issues and not give a shit about their opinion but that’s on the side, so we’re talking and Amy tells me about how she just wants to have an adventurous life, travel, meet random people, skydive, all that crazy girl type shit and then she asks me
" what do you want?"
.....not for dinner obviously.....but what did I want to get from my time on Earth, what was all of this for, and for the first time in like 4 years my brain couldn’t give a soluble answer....I was numb... wanted to cry cause all this shit I’ve been doing, design, Making friends, school, everything seemed pointless at that moment....fell into depression for a while....that was February 2020.
Fast forward to November 2020 and I’m on Niyi Okeowo’s IG live and it’s just pure vibes cause Niyi is an amazing person...no cap...and he said something had me like wait, he said "there’s no best designer or average designer, just designers" and it had me thinking like bro if you’re not trying to be the best, If you’re not trying to attain that position of "oh I’m the king of this shit, what’s the use of the effort?"
Couple of days later I stumble on a Jcole interview on YT and he said something that also had me , he said " nothing is real, the money, the fame, the gold, the cars, all that stuff, it's not real, they're all temporary, the things that are real are our experiences, our emotions, people, happiness, sadness, your mum, your siblings.... they're the ones that you should place your focus on"
Happiness doesn't come from being rich or being the best..... you'll get those things and you'll keep wanting more and more and more....and it's a never ending loop.....like
" bro you've got the iPhone X , sick but you don't have the iPhone XR ,bro you got the iPhone 11, damn that's cool but you don't got the 12"....it never ends
Back to the question "what do you want" honestly I just want be happy.... designing makes me happy, I'll keep designing, not because I'm trying to be the best in my field anymore....which was initially my goal.....of course I don't want to suck at design lmao....but also because it makes me happy.....
Don’t get me wrong, having goals isn’t wrong or anything like that but if those goals influence they way you behave, if it affects your humanity, then you’re not doing it right.
Place your focus on the things that make you you and the things that make you happy, if your money or your car makes up for 99% of who you are as a person then you probably need to reevaluate some shit
My thoughts, not yours,if you think I’m saying something wrong....or you’re like nah bro you tripping….or you just want to share your thoughts on this, HMU let’s talk. @colored_savage
