I know I say that alot, said it when I got my new laptop, said it on my last birthday, said it when I got a drawing tablet( that I barely even used), said it when I got into college; those were all "ah shit" moments but this might actually be the biggest "ah shit" moment I’ve ever had..... I’m turning 18
I know this sounds exaggerated and “my life just got started" but I’ve lived in this faux ( fancy word I don’t know the meaning of but I assume fits this context) reality that my life has always been way ahead of others, thought I’d be mad rich or something by the time I’m 18 or something, idk, I just didn’t think it’ll be this way, I’m not complaining or anything, life is pretty good these days... it’s just....it feels weird.
I think I’m scared that my actions will soon start having consequences, anything I did before was " oh well, if I fail, I’m not supposed to be doing this anyways, I could try again" but now it’s real; what I do now might actually affect me jn the long run, shit is a little bit frightening if I’m being honest. You know when you’re playing a video game and you don’t think you’ll make it to particular level so you just fuck around and when you eventually make it to that level, you don’t know what to do and you realise you actually have to start taking things seriously or you’ll lose ......yeah that’s me rn
A lot of people say " don’t grow up" " let the kid in you flourish" but no one ever tells you what to do when you’ve been adulting since you were a kid, the rules are probably different. Birthdays have always been weird for me cause they make me think about what I’ve achieved and If the universe is playing some sick trick on me by keeping me around this long....my 18th birthday is in a number of days...... I’m anxious, confused, vexed that I wasted my childhood on silly beefs and mediocre grudges, and anything but excited..... shit’s about to get real. Sigh.
